My journey 05

Sabbatical

In academia, you’re either in or out; there’s hardly any room for gray.

From humble beginnings, the road wasn’t just uphill for someone like me—it was a fight against a system that pretends meritocracy but doesn’t deliver. Starting with basic setbacks, like a limited English background, every step became a battle. Though my years teaching high school enriched my life, they left me running empty, constantly splitting time and energy between two worlds. Worse, I was frequently discredited by academic peers who had no idea what it was like to juggle multiple jobs just to survive. For them, the “correct” path was a full-time dedication to research, end of story. Sure, complete focus helps, but it can also trap you in an academic bubble, losing sight of real life.

It’s about timing and connections for some, but that was rarely on my side.

I made the best calls I could with what I had—no regrets. But let’s be honest: academia isn’t the pure intellectual paradise it claims to be. It’s a maze of egos, and it wasn’t uncommon for people who barely knew me to decide my path. Even promising projects were shelved because of internal politics. The system may say it’s all about quality publications, but in reality, the backroom deals determine whose research makes it through.

So, I chose to walk away—from academia and the country. It wasn’t just a job decision but a culmination of years of being let down.

In Brazil, doing research feels like a marathon with weights on your ankles. I paid my way—working high school jobs to cover my research costs, conference travel, courses, and basic expenses. I spent around 70% of my research career doing pro bono work “for the love of science.” In the beginning, I felt honored to review for top journals without compensation, but after a while, I started declining. My curiosity and passion weren’t enough to make me jump through hoops for free.

Eventually, I burned out—pause.

France: A New Chapter

My husband is French, so moving felt natural, but being an expat isn’t without its challenges. I left Brazil with a heavy heart. I deeply miss my family and friends, even though I appreciate my life here.

France, I love you too!

Settling down was no easy feat: packing, moving, renovating, unpacking. My love for decorating occasionally felt like a curse as we navigated the chaos of working with contractors.

French bureaucracy is no joke.

Every step, from legal paperwork to business launching, required patience that sometimes felt superhuman. Sometimes, the hardest part is simply interpreting this new world—the language, the gestures, the silences. Living here, truly immersed, is worlds away from a short visit. I plan to explore that through a neuroscientific lens someday.

During this break, I chose to freelance as a medical writer and dive into art. France breathes art.

My dream of anatomical painting became a reality, inspired by the microscopic beauty I’ve studied over the years. Like Ramón y Cajal’s famous brain drawings, I started bringing the hidden world of microscopy to life. Academia may have drained my research ambitions, but it didn’t touch my core. I’m a scientist; I don’t need an impact score to validate my skills. It took me years to say that with conviction.

Here’s where I stand now:

• I won’t be returning to academia in the conventional sense.
• No more unpaid reviews, except for rare open science opportunities.
• My path is mine to choose—advice is fine, but control isn’t welcome.
• I pick my projects carefully; regulatory writing isn’t for me.
• I wrote a book and plan to write more.
• Creativity is part of my identity; science without open-mindedness is nothing.
• My mental health is non-negotiable, and balance is essential.
• Family and friends come first. Work matters, but it should also be a source of joy.
• I prefer leadership with empathy and clarity, and health leadership fits my goals.
• I learned how to navigate challenging relationships with diplomacy, but I know how to keep the door closed to narcissists.
• While I may not reach native fluency in another language, I’m a proud Brazilian Portuguese speaker and a lifelong language learner.